his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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