Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize