I will die if light touches me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
