I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
