We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
