ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Can I color on your dick again?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize