R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
