I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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