Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how can u be prego again
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
