she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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