so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
