sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
