My boss' voice literally gives me gas
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
