I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
