i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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