I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
