would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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