whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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