So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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