TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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