It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
