Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
