I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
