I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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