im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
