I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
