Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
