I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize