so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This is the high leading the old right now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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