why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
