How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
