and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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