Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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