Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
