mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
