I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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