But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
