My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
