I faked an abortion last night.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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