no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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