so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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