Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
