Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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