i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
