there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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