at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize