I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize