that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
