You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
