D3 body, D1 cock
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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