You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
