I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Found your dick twin last night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just pee around me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
