You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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