he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
