my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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