Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
