Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
