9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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