Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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