Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
