Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
