No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
