I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
