No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
