Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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