Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
