How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hippo gnu deer
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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