i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
