The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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