I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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