Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
