Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
