Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
