if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
