she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
