none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
