I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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