The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
