pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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