Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
