obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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