bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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