Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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