And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize