So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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