it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
