Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
