I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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