I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
