Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
