I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
