I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
