When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
