I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
