a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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